Taylor Dreams Again
by adversary2113
Summary: Princess Taylor has a new problem. Oneshot


**Taylor Dreams Again**

**Disclaimer : Only the bad jokes are mine.**

**This takes place the night before Jackson, Mel, Eric and Abby set out at the end of the episode "See Ya."**

**Taylor was tired and depressed. The nonstop arguing was driving her insane. Abby had came back from the jungle acting like Xena's the warrior Princesses butch sister. Mel was pissed at her over Jackson. She was ready to go to sleep and forget the island life for a while.**

**( Picture the familiar set, looking like a third rate production of Robin Hood or Romeo and Juliet. Princess Taylor is on the toilet like fuzzy pink throne again. There are puppies and kittens wandering around. Even a couple of birds and butterflies can be seen. Daley and Lex are flanking her as Mel the executioner and the Grand Wizard Jackson stand in front of the throne. Eric is in chains in front of them, begging for his life.)**

**Taylor: " What are the charges this time, Lady Know It All?"**

**Daley: " The cook says it's been a massacre. Every rooster in the Royal kitchen has had it's head bitten off. Over a hundred birds dead, the rest have been eaten."**

**Eric, a desperate look on his face: " That proves I didn't do it. I choke chickens, I don't bite their heads off."**

**Mel the Executioner: " That's always been true. The guards in the dungeon say he chokes chickens at least three time daily."**

**Daley and Lex trade grins and bump knuckles.**

**Taylor: " You two are so irritating with that. Ok shmuck, then who did it?"**

**Eric: " It wasn't me, your Royal Majesty, I swear it on your naturally blonde hair!"**

**Taylor, in an aside to Lex, ignoring a snort from Daley: " That reminds me, did the peroxide shipment get in?" Lex gives her a thumbs up.**

**Taylor: " I gave you a second chance. We hired you to work in the kitchen and you were doing so well with the poultry , the chef said it's like you were born to choke chickens."**

**Eric : " It's a talent I've practiced all my life."**

**Daley and lex burst out laughing. Jackson smirks.**

**Taylor: " I gotta get a new kingdom. Wonder what the talking mouse wants for his?. Nah, I can't understand a word the darn duck says and the hill billy dog is just plain annoying."**

**Speaking to Eric: " I want to believe you but if you didn't, who did?"**

**Daley/Lady-Know-It-All: " Maybe the Wiz can figure it out."**

**Taylor: " Good idea. Ok, Grand Wizard Jackson, got any spells to help figure this out?" She flutters her eyes at him. Mel growls noticeably.**

**Jackson scratches his neck under the rat fur lined cowl.**

**Daley: in an undertone, " I hope his cloak isn't shedding again."**

**Jackson gives her an evil look, then answers: " I could try a spell I've been working on. It helps you seek out something you really desire."**

**Mel, running a finger over her scythe, " Now why would you be needing a spell like that, my one true love?" She ignores the blood dripping from her finger.**

**Jackson, expressionless, " Oh, er, just trying something new out." Nervously scratches again, looking at Mel and Taylor quickly.**

**Taylor: " Get on with it. It's almost time for lunch and thanks to the great chicken massacre, three guesses as to what's for lunch?"**

**Lex and Daley in unison: " Bwak, bwak, bwak."**

**Eric looks startled, then aroused, wagging an eyebrow suggestively at Mel, who glares at him, making a chopping gesture with her scythe.**

**Taylor: " You got it."**

**Jackson, pulls out his wand and sets it in the palm of his left hand. " Magic wand in my hand , who's the biggest chicken choker in the land. " The wand spins and points dead at Eric.**

**Eric: " My reps being used against me!"**

**Taylor: " We knew all that already, did he kill the birds or not?"**

**Jackson tries again: " Wand point to what I desire." The wand wavers back and forth between Taylor and Mel. Both are doing a slow burn. Jackson hastily corrects himself, " Point to what I desire to know, where is the chicken killer?" The wand points out of the room. **

**Suddenly, there's a scratching noise from just out of sight. A puppy goes around the corner. A kick is heard. In walks Abby, dressed in ripped flannel, looking like a cave woman with a club in one hand. She has a chicken head in the other. She walks in and Mel and Jackson move aside. There are feathers in the corner of her mouth.**

**Abby; " Well, we meet at last Princess. My my, you look scrumptious. She belches so loud Lex's hair flies back. " I'm tired of chicken and you look like the other white meat to me." She raises the club and walks forward.**

**Daley: " Protect the Princess from that critter!"**

**Jackson hold out his wand: " Stand back or I'll go Merlin on you Rosie!"**

**Abby, sneering: " I fear no man's wand. Move outta my way or I'll break both your twigs." She laughs as Jackson backs off slowly.**

**Taylor, regally: " And who, or what, are You?"**

"**I am Abby Normal, the Cannibal Queen. Once, I was the Vegan princess but that was before I saw the light."**

**Eric: " Before you went off and got lost in the jungle though a combination of bad luck and being a complete dumbass?"**

**Abby: " Quiet fool, I'm feeling peckish."**

**Eric: " I get that way sometimes myself."**

**Daley and Lex bump knuckles, tears of laughter in their eyes.**

**Abby advances forward. Mel bars the way, her scythe held high.**

**Mel: " Nobody's killing the princess but me, uh, I mean nobody's killing the princess." **

**Abby; " Out of the way, Goody Two Shoes, go emo somewhere else."**

**Mel: " I am so not a Goody Two Shoes!"**

**Abby, laughing, " Pull off a shoe."**

**Mel does, blushing as Goody Two Shoes is printed plainly on the sides.**

**Taylor, beginning to panic as Abby takes another step forwards: " Where's my Prince to save me from this Horrible fate?'**

"**Here I am !" comes a voice from the doorway. A cat can be heard screeching as a clanking racket approaches. An armored figure walks in, holding an enormous sword. The helmut is enormous, to hold his hair in.**

" **Never fear, Sir Nathan the Magnificent is here!" He then falls over, overbalanced by the huge sword.**

**Taylor, mumbling, " I told Daddy not to knight him . And what's up with the sword, compensating or what?"**

**Abby, snorting contemptuously, " Is this the best you have, a limp wanded wizard, en emo executioner, a professional chicken choker and a Prince who smells like he just fell into a dung heap? Man, I'm gonna get so fat here."**

**Nathan finally gets his sword to stay up for a moment: " Leave my Princess alone, o muncher of carpets. Zounds and Od's Bodkins"**

**Everyone: " Huh?"**

**Nathan; " Foul monster, I shall slay thee most speedily!" he charges at Abby. She trips him. He falls on his face. His buttocks have two bumper stickers, one says "Kisseth Mine White Ass, the other Kisseth My Black ass."**

**Abby; " Ok, time for lunch!"**

**Two seconds later, Taylor is between two huge slices of bread.**

**_________________________________________________________**

**Taylor Hagen woke up with a huge neck ache. " Man, it feels like something was biting my neck. She get up and walks out of the tent. Unseen by her, Abby rolls over, licking her lips. There is a feather on them.**


End file.
